Techniques for better communication with your loved one with Dementia

By Laura Oldaker, The Gift of Caring 

Effectively communication with other human beings is one life’s biggest challenges, and breakdowns in communication lead to divorce and war. It is a difficult 3-part process that includes a sender, a receiver and a message. The key and most often forgotten part of this process is the feedback, which ensures the receiver understood what the sender was trying to convey... What, you may be asking yourself, does this have to do with caring for my loved one with dementia? Well, actually, everything! 

When a person is living with dementia and cognitive impairment, communication becomes more difficult, and sometimes, verbal communication is rendered impossible; so it’s up to us, their family caregiver, to adjust how we communicate to ensure our message is received and understood. Today’s blog goes over some communication techniques that you can start utilizing right away, that can improve communication, decrease triggers, and help you enjoy quality time and connection with your loved one who is living with dementia. 

I must first start by saying the number one skill to practice when trying to communicate with our loved ones is empathy; that is, placing yourself in the shoes of the other person. Ask yourself: Do I actually understand the changes that are happening in their brain chemistry? Do I know their physical symptoms? How would I feel if I was in their shoes? 

A few years ago, I attended a Virtual Dementia Tour® at a local memory care community, the program mimics what it’s like for a dementia patient, from things like exacerbated thoughts and loud noises, to actual physical obstacles… That was a game-changer for me, and I could tell it also was for the other people in the room! I strongly recommend you find a similar program and attend it, it will definitely give you a new perspective and help improve empathy. You can find more info on the VDT at https://www.secondwind.org.  

As a Positive Care Approach Certified trainer, we learn from Teepa Snow, Dementia Expert, some of the most effective communication techniques, that I am happy to share with you today: 

Match your pace and demeanor to your loved one living with dementia: Whether they are in earlier phase or advanced stage, our loved ones are able to pick up and sense if we are trying to rush, so take a moment to emulate their pace and even mimic their movements. By doing this, Teepa says, we are able to connect with them and even give them some time to come up with the word they were looking for, which can help everyone continue the conversation. 

This or Something else? As we see our loved ones struggle to find the word, offering a word they can identify can be beneficial and will not interfere with their thinking pattern, for example, if your loved one is trying to find a specific word you might suggest: “Are you looking for something to drink? Or something else? The overly general term will not distract your loved one from their thinking pattern but if you said the right word, they will be able to identify it and communication can continue. 

Visuals:  As our loved one’s disease progresses, their brain changes and access to their word bank becomes limited. Teepa suggests pointing at a related object when talking to your loved one who lives with dementia can help increase mutual understanding. Gestures such as pointing to the items you are talking about or mimicking the action fork to your mouth when trying to get them to eat can help remind them what to do next.   This is a very effective tool when trying to provide personal care to your loved one, such as oral care, grooming, and dressing.  

If all else fails, a gentle smile goes a long way!  There will be days in which we try everything and nothing works, those days can be frustrating and upsetting if you are not able to communicate with your loved one, if all else fails- touch them and smile gently, and utter the words “I’m sorry I can’t make out what you are trying to tell me, but I love you” and give yourself a pat in the back for trying, and know that it is okay, and it’s not your fault or your loved one’s, this one you are allowed to blame on the disease! You are doing a good job!   

Sources:  A Positive Approach to Care- https://teepasnow.com/blog/teepa_snow_tips_for_communicating_better/ https://www.secondwind.org